i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
