I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
