i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ketchup is God's man juice
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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