Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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