I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
