i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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