I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
