I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
