new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
