Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
