they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
