so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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