Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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