you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize