Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
false alarm, still single
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
