He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
