My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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