I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
