I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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