I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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