alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
