okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
