And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
