How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
