Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
