Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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