It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
