And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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