So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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