Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
