you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
