Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
