And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
