Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize