i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
