The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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