White coat. Heels.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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