This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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