Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
