oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize