Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize