I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
