life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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