i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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