Christians are straight up FREAKS
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
