is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
