So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
