i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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