uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
