theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
