i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
