Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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