Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
