member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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