Michael Bay diarrhea
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
