Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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