We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
