I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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