Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize