you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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