There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize