You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Watching her eat just hurts me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
