Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
