If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
