An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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