Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize