That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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