using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
