This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need to align my fucking chakras
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
