Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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