Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize