It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
