It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
